10 Secrets You Should Probably Keep From Your Partner

If the moment's right, there's literally nothing
you can't tell your guy. That's the power of
love. But—it gets a little bit tricky here—
for some personal revelations, the timing is
just never right. Like, ever. So while they're
not truly secrets, you're totally off the hook on
saying them. (And come on, you wouldn't
really want to hear these things either.) Here
are a dozen things you're better off keeping to
yourself:
His best friend is hot.
We know our friend is attractive. For years,
every time we went out, he'd be the one
scoring all the numbers. And that's totally cool
—we got you! But we'd like to think that this
one girl—that's you—isn't like those girls. We
want you to be the girl who's more interested
in us.
You stalked his ex on Facebook.
We already assume you did. (We stalked yours,
too.) We just don't need to hear about it.
The best sex you've ever had.
If it wasn't with him, keep your trap shut.
The s3x you wish you would have had.
You spent years shooting down the advances of
some theater nerd in high school, and then he
went on to become a famous actor. Now he
has a real entourage and bodyguards and
Emmies and a pet tiger. Wonder what life
would have been like if you'd taken him more
seriously? Well—wonder to yourself, please.
His isn't the biggest p3nis you've ever seen.
Even if you once dated a guy who wore custom
pants to accommodate his giant bulge, we
don't want to know about it. We prefer to think
of all your past boyfriends as Ken dolls.
You hate his favorite T-shirt.
Every guy has some old threadbare shirt that
he can't toss out. For one reason or another,
it's sentimental. He bought it on some vacation
with his buddies, or it was a hand-me-down
from his big brother. Either way, just let him
enjoy it. It's a small sacrifice.
You hate his best friend.
Unless you have a damn good reason, this
probably won't end well.
You hate his parents.
Unless he hates them, too. Again, this is
volatile territory here.
Some guy hit on you, and you didn't give
him your number.
Basically it sounds like you want credit
for not cheating on us. Yeah, we appreciate it,
but isn't that the bare minimum for being in a
relationship? Are you looking for a thanks?
Trying to make us jealous? Why is this a story?
What you're about to do in bed.
Unless you need us to sign off on something
really strange and new, just surprise us. It's
better that way.
You faked an org@sm.
Take it to your grave, ladies. Come on, faking it
doesn't help anyone, so just be honest with the
guy instead of doing it in the first place.